Pearl #4

When my husband and I first got married I quit my job.  I really wanted to be a stay at home mom.  My wish came true when only two weeks after our wedding I got pregnant.  My mom had always said I came from fertile stock and that I'd only have to touch the bed post to get pregnant - I guess she was right!  Anyway, for the first four months of our marriage I walked around with my head in the clouds happy to have a child on the way, a super husband, a new home of my very own... and then I happened to look over my husband's shoulder one night as he was paying the bills online.  What I saw definately brought me back down to earth.  We had $47.00 to live on in our checking account until his next paycheck came 8 days away.  All of my pregnancy hormones boiled to the surface - I completely freaked out.  I said, "We don't have any money!" and he said in a very calm manner, "I know."  I couldn't believe it - I'd never had to live hand to mouth before and we didn't have any savings and with a baby on the way I felt so scared and hopeless.  Well, after I finally calmed down, my husband sat me down and we had a long talk.  He hadn't wanted to tell me that quitting my job, buying a home and living off his income alone had put us in a financial bind.  He said he didn't want to worry me.  I explained that his attempt to keep me out of the loop, while sweet, was not the right thing.  And, then and there, we decided to face our financial woes together.  It was the most amazing feeling.  It was such a freeing feeling to make that decision.  We spent most of the night coming up with a strict budget and taking a truthfull assesment of our debts.  When all was said and done, I couldn't spend more than $45.00 a week on groceries and have only two full tanks of gas each month.  I know that sounds crazy - but it worked.  I stuck to my budget dutifully.  We ate a lot of beans and cheese and eggs.  I walked wherever I could and only ran errands once a week.  It took a lot of planning on my part and a lot of eating leftovers!  We also found things to do together for entertainment that didn't cost money, like taking walks, playing boardgames, making smores in the backyard.  We took our problem and looked at it in a positive way and had fun being poor - we made it a game - a challenge.  A year after our first child was born we had gotten rid of all of our debt (except mortgage).  That was nine years ago and we still live a lot like we did then.  We spend a lot of time playing games and taking walks and working in our yard.  We really think about purchases before we make them and we never, ever buy something we don't have the cash for.  I'm glad we learned that lesson, because our kids are pretty frugal, too.  Our lives are pretty simple and I think that's why we are so happy together.  My pearl: face your problems, its such an empowering feeling and by doing it you teach your kids not to run away from the bad times but to work to turn them around.

Tami, mother of 3