Pearl #9

There are mornings, on rare occasions, when I find myself alone in a hot shower. Now, it is not uncommon to have my youngest sliding the shower door open while undressing begging to come in, my middle child complaining about her little sister having eaten all "her" granola cereal, and my oldest begging to have something unacceptable as a breakfast food. Locking the door only produces screams and tiny fingers wiggling under the door jam, so I relent on privacy and the sauna affect from a closed door, and welcome my public inside my morning sanctuary.

Miraculously, call Guinness--this morning, I found myself alone for ten straight minutes showering alone and got lost in my head. This month I have, will, or am, (little bit of denial) turning the big 3-0! Wow! I remember when 30 seemed so old and now here I am knocking on the door, but not with reluctance, I find myself entering with much to be thankful for, and this is where I began to meander while in my shower...

Enter, stage right, my friend John..aka the toilet.

Yes, our master bathroom toilet, a fickle friend whom since we moved in likes to flush twice in a row for no apparent reason, even a plumber consulted was remiss to offer a causative solution. P.S. don't flush it while someone is in the shower, although hilarious effects result when watching someone scream in shock as the water goes cold and then hop around like mad when it turns scalding hot (which I cannot even type without laughingly like mad, sorry to my husband...) it not a nice way to tidy up.

Now this dear friend of whom which we would never think to ask to leave, however disobedient he can sometimes be and disgruntled as I am to clean him each week, is a necessity to our palace--our porcelain throne for which an out house could never replace. Enter my perfect day...

I could hardly believe the day. My house was "perfect," I am not even exaggerating. My house was in order...this almost never happens. Stop by for a surprise visit and you will likely find days and days worth of crumbs under the kitchen table, cheerios trailing through the house, dishes overflowing, Legos in the hallway, glue on the table, naked barbies, and let's not even talk about the bathrooms. Yuck! But that day, all was in order, my girls were fast asleep-warm and bathed, in their beds, and my son and I had sat down to build his LEGO Star Wars battle ship together, just some mommy and son time. Daddy was working late and ER was playing muted in the background. Like I said, nothing glorious, just one of those everyday minutes that you have thousands of and may never even vividly recall the next week.

Before I sat down I made a quick stop to see John for the last time that night. Listened to him flush twice then turned off the light and never looked back. Big mistake...

I sat down on the carpet with my Ben to delve into this 1000+ piece LEGO kit with joy in my heart for the moment. We sat there an hour putting together this ship, shooting missiles, moving parts and all!

"Ben, where are the sticker decals, do you want to put those on?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah! Um, there in my room...oh Dad is going to think this is so cool!"
"Oh yeah, he is!"
And then Ben runs down the hallway and around the corner, then I hear him splash in a puddle.
Then I hear him splash in a puddle. Huh?
"MOM! you better come here!!!"
You know those moments where something happens and everything gets dreamy although not in a rich, sweet, milky way but, in an oh-heck-please don't be what I think it is kind of way. That was this moment.

I turn the hallway corner and just outside my husband's office, is a puddle above the carpet coming from the master bedroom. I traipse into the lagoon to find John taunting me with his unreliability once again, only this time it's not hilarious. I am mad! No furious! Can't anything just stay nice for a day?

For the record I had done a #1, nothing over taxing by any means. Had it been one of my kids, I would have interrogated how much toilet paper had been dumped and which toy they were playing with while on the potty which had "oopsied" inside. Thanking my lucky stars the LEGO kit hadn't taken longer else the destruction path would have also included my husbands computers, servers, etc.

So there I am sucking it up. Enter my husband, exhausted, it's 11:30 pm and he comes home to find me sucking up bucket after bucket of water. He turns immediately back around to Walmart, (thank goodness they are open 24 hours,) to purchase a wet vac and help with the sucky cleanup. Side-by-side we worked at sucking up the mess, and our resentment at John, into the wee-wee hours of the morning. With the last bucket dumped, we laid down to catch 2 hours of sleep before the kids were up at 6...oh joy!

Now I am laying in bed, trying to doze off while 20 fans blow on the carpet to dry it out, and I a flaming mad--mad at the toilet; mad at the quirky plumbing; mad at myself for not hearing the overflow sooner; mad at madness because now I only have two maybe, two and a half precious hours of shut eye and I cannot nod off. Argh! ARRRRRRRRGH!

I'd like to say that this is the part where in my wisdom and maturity I knelt down on my damp carpet and gave thanks for a husband who immediately rolled up his pants and trudged through toilet water side-by-side with me for hours until the job was done, that I praised the cleverness of the invention of a wet vac, that I expressed my gratitude for having a roof and a toilet to overflow. Unfortunately, this is not that moment. It took me a few days...alright weeks...well fine, it really didn't hit me until months later while in my shower this morning.

I thought everything was perfect, and maybe it was for a moment. And then some random act throws me for a loop, leaving me grasping in wonderment why things can't just stay nice. Ah the delusional pursuit of order when you have small children. Such a grand and lofty vision, but ultimately a shallow notion of familial success, (my last cleave unto vanity I suppose.)

Looking back I hit a climax of my expectation that I can handle and control everything, be on top of everything, get everything down, get everything done, have everything cleaned, and everyone happy, and be perfect at everything I do and say and feel and perform. Perfect, perfect, perfect! Not very flexible.

You know, in Florida, there are a lot of palm tress, or rat houses, which ever name you prefer. Whimpy looking things palm trees. Yeah, they're tall alright, but spindly and skinny, not very strong looking. Ever notice how on the news there is always the shot of the palm tree swaying in the gail force category 5 winds. Growing up in a family from the South, I watched my share of hurricanes. While I only went through one in person, (too young to recall it at all,) I watched my share from sunny California, on the news while my grandparents waited up with the newscaster to see it if the storm would avoid Gainesville and West Palm Beach where we still have family. And then breath a sigh of relief when the phones were back up and we got news that although family had lost a house, or the family store was flooded, everyone was alive and kicking. Palm trees blow into the wind, not with it, not snapping in half, but it moves into it, like a graceful dancer as she is swept up in her lover's arms.

My toilet: the hurricane.

Me: need to be that tree.

I can look down on my circumstances--oh why me?! Or I can take the challenge and do something with it that will make me proud. My family's hero! I can make my life fun and exciting by taking the viewpoint that a disadvantage is an opportunity. (My carpets are soooooo clean right now :) And when things get tough, my husband is always right there beside me, helping me suck up the mess--now that is romance at it's best.

There are certain milestones in ones' life that necessitate a pondering of truths, the reflection of what has happened, what can happen, things hoped for, and the blessings that almost seem to good to be real.

Here is where I find myself now: I cannot help but remember the day the geyser toilet from Hell-o! broke-loose-for no glorious reason, and taking my seemed to be perfect day, spiraling it wildly out of control for no good reason. At the time I despaired how it had ruined one of my most successful days as a homemaker. Now, it seems like such a wonderful blessing, one of those moments that is insignificant in event yet so profoundly memorable because of how it changes you...

So, from one 30 year old tree to whoever is not reading this, when all else fails
go with the flow.
My friend John has taught me this much.


-Tara L. Chandler



Come visit our family at

www.chandlercoven.org

Pearl #8

So...I am happy you are doing this I will probably share my babbling thoughts often.

I don't ever have anything profound to say and I am not good words at all or ever making sense.
So here I go on an opifany (sp?) I had the other day.

We go to my moms on sundays for dinner, as I was going about a regular wednesday morning
I thought of sunday dinners at moms and how important it was that my kids go there and
there is a place set for them at this family meal. That they know they have a place in this world
and they belong somewhere to someone. And they get to hear great conversations where over
the dinner table we speak of Christ and share our testimonies of how blessed we are.
Although they are little and my not be listening but hopefully they feel something and know
that sitting at grandma's table, or even at the table of their home with their family they
belong to a family and they have a spot around the table with me.



Brooke, mother of 3

Pearl #7

I thought I'd share some thoughts and experiences with you and your readers, even though I am not a real mom. I tried to be one many times and many ways during my life, and never was so blessed. But on rare occassions, I would dream I had children. Oh, how much I loved those dream babies! How awed I was when I woke up after dreaming of bathing them or some simple thing, and I couldn't believe the degree of love and wonder they evoked. The real thing must be truly incredible.


But I have been blessed to be the "mother" of kitties, and they have given me so much too. In times of stress they show me tranquility. In times of temper they show me the wisdom of silence. Comfort and companionship are never missing when they are near.

Plus they do they do some pretty cute things. My three year old female loves to be wrapped up in a blanket and held like a baby. And after she has her breakfast she goes back to my bed where she sleeps with me at night, and tucks herself back in under the covers for her morning nap. Now what kid does that?

An amazing thing about animals is that they love unconditionally and never betray you. Not many people do that~ So, they are even role models. Best of all, they stay little and you never have to deal with teenagers! I think if I'd been a real mom kitties would have helped me be a better one.

Ranny, mother of 3 kitties

Pearl #6

I have only been a mom for 7 months. I am learning something new everyday and many days I feel like I will never figure it all out. I never knew what mommy guilt was and I had no idea how much I could love a tiny little human. I have so much to learn and very little "pearls" to offer but there is one thing that I have realized over the past 7 months. As moms, we must love, encourage, and accept each other. There is not a "right" way and a "wrong" way to parent. Each of us are doing the absolute best we can for our family and for our babies. I have found that sometimes mommies can be very hard on each other and judge each other for how we parent. But as long as we love those babies with every fiber of our being and do the very best for them, we are honoring the gift that God gave us. Remember to encourage new moms and "seasoned" moms. Remember to offer love, hope, and a listening ear.


Jennifer mother of 1

Pearl #5

Ok so this is kind of embarrassing - but here it goes.  I was out shopping one day and saw a rack of kind of saucy nighties and stuff.  I've always been a tomboy (and a real modest one) and I've never worn anything with lace.  So as I looked over at all the girlly sleepwear, I began to wonder if maybe my husband was kind of sad because I usually slept in old, ratty tee-shirts - not anything flirty or frilly.  I don't know what came over me - but really quickly I walked over to the rack and just grabbed the first nightie I could get my hands on.  I stuffed it down in my cart as deep as it would go so no one would see it.  Of course - murphy's law- the only cashier was a guy!  I just about died.  Well, when I got home I put it in my underwear drawer far in the back under all my big old hanes her way granny panties.  I thought about it throughout the afternoon and wondered if I had the courage to wear it to bed.  By late afternoon I had pretty much come to the conclusion that I'd wasted 15.00 and would have to wrap it in a grocery sack and slip it in the trash right before our next trash day.  Well, that evening my husband and I were sitting around watching t.v. with one of his friends when my mommy radar started to go off.  Just as I started to get up off the couch to check on our 2 year old I heard her let out this evil little giggle and she came racing out of our bedroom, down the hall and into the living room wearing - you guessed it - my stupid nightie!  Don't ask me how - but she had found it and figured out how to put the thing on.  One of her fat little hands clutched the see thru blue polka dotted underwear - giving herself a wedgie. And her other hand held up the see thru top - complete with built in push up bra - over her little baby chest!!!  Um - awkward doesn't even describe the moment!  So here is a little pearl - learned the hard way - to everyone out there.  Don't try to be something you're not - sooner or later - you'll just get exposed!

K, mother of 2

Pearl #4

When my husband and I first got married I quit my job.  I really wanted to be a stay at home mom.  My wish came true when only two weeks after our wedding I got pregnant.  My mom had always said I came from fertile stock and that I'd only have to touch the bed post to get pregnant - I guess she was right!  Anyway, for the first four months of our marriage I walked around with my head in the clouds happy to have a child on the way, a super husband, a new home of my very own... and then I happened to look over my husband's shoulder one night as he was paying the bills online.  What I saw definately brought me back down to earth.  We had $47.00 to live on in our checking account until his next paycheck came 8 days away.  All of my pregnancy hormones boiled to the surface - I completely freaked out.  I said, "We don't have any money!" and he said in a very calm manner, "I know."  I couldn't believe it - I'd never had to live hand to mouth before and we didn't have any savings and with a baby on the way I felt so scared and hopeless.  Well, after I finally calmed down, my husband sat me down and we had a long talk.  He hadn't wanted to tell me that quitting my job, buying a home and living off his income alone had put us in a financial bind.  He said he didn't want to worry me.  I explained that his attempt to keep me out of the loop, while sweet, was not the right thing.  And, then and there, we decided to face our financial woes together.  It was the most amazing feeling.  It was such a freeing feeling to make that decision.  We spent most of the night coming up with a strict budget and taking a truthfull assesment of our debts.  When all was said and done, I couldn't spend more than $45.00 a week on groceries and have only two full tanks of gas each month.  I know that sounds crazy - but it worked.  I stuck to my budget dutifully.  We ate a lot of beans and cheese and eggs.  I walked wherever I could and only ran errands once a week.  It took a lot of planning on my part and a lot of eating leftovers!  We also found things to do together for entertainment that didn't cost money, like taking walks, playing boardgames, making smores in the backyard.  We took our problem and looked at it in a positive way and had fun being poor - we made it a game - a challenge.  A year after our first child was born we had gotten rid of all of our debt (except mortgage).  That was nine years ago and we still live a lot like we did then.  We spend a lot of time playing games and taking walks and working in our yard.  We really think about purchases before we make them and we never, ever buy something we don't have the cash for.  I'm glad we learned that lesson, because our kids are pretty frugal, too.  Our lives are pretty simple and I think that's why we are so happy together.  My pearl: face your problems, its such an empowering feeling and by doing it you teach your kids not to run away from the bad times but to work to turn them around.

Tami, mother of 3

Pearl #3

So some believe a blog site is really just a brag site were you tell the whole bloggin world about how great your life is and how fantastic your children are. However  on my blog I practically do just the opposite. I tell of the weird, wild, wacky and wicked things my children (and occassionally myself) do. Who believes that telling a story about smeared boogers and ugly words is bragging? If I wanted to brag I would post my most perfect meals, the beautiful new fall pumpkins I made, mydaughter's new handmade maiden costume that I spent 3 days on (which looks nothing like how I envisioned it), or how my kids are good eaters, or how they sit perfectly reverent during prayers (yeah right), or how good they are at their chores, or how they are top of their class (oops I think I posted one of those), you get the idea. Anyway my children are still very young and have no clue that I post the naughty things they say and do on the internet for all to read. Regardless I find it amusing that they feel the same desire to share the weird and wacky things I do with others as well. Last week when my husband got home my daughters couldn't wait to tell him about how I forgot my purse when we went to Dairy Queen and had to rob my oldest daughter of her snow cone money to pay the bill. Then last night my parents called and as the conversation was winding down my oldest shouts out she really needs to talk to Grandpa. I say okay and hand her the phone. She states, "Grandpa, guess what?! My mom forgot to pick me and Connor (friend) up at school today and I was about to cry, but then I went to the office and the lady in there made me laugh and she called to remind my mom to come and get me. Can you believe she forgot about me?" Yes, I got distracted sewing that perfect maiden costume. Then my dad wanted to talk to me again to say shame on you.  So, here's my pearl:  what goes around comes around, even when they don't know it. If my kids could have a blog they would probably not brag about me at all either. It would be full of all the ways I have wronged them, how crazy I am and then occassionally they would post a cool mom one. It must be in our nature to want to share with others the crazy days in our lives.

Tess, mother of 4

Pearl #2

So thinking about this particular blog the past few days has helped me to focus a bit more on the day to day happenings and how my life is unfolding. I will say that a lot of the day I am on auto pilot- make breakfast- clean up-make lunch- clean up- make dinner- clean up. I was thinking how before I had my kids that the day was filled with a lot of "me" time and now it is filled with so much "other's" time that I get a little lost now and then. I have noticed that as I have set my mind to being a better mom/ homemaker that I feel really content with the mundane simple things about life. My daughter and I have recently read the "Little house" books and watched a few pioneer movies and I find that particular time period or era of life so attractive. I know I am viewing the hollywood version and that I wouldn't stand a chance against protecting my children from a bear attack or making my meals from scratch everyday on an open flame, but I have to be honest that sometimes our little life gets to be so busy and overwhelming that I rarely can recall certain times during the week! I keep thinking I am losing my mind and of course I blame it on the mommy brain whenever I can but the truth is life is just to busy now a days! We can never really fly under the radar so to speak. Between cell phones, internet, traffic and busy schedules I feel like I am always splitting myself in many directions. So my very little pearl of wisdom would be that we should slow down. Simply said and hard to carry out I know but just recently I have made some changes in my focus and I have to admit that we are surviving just fine by not getting every phone call, participating in every activity or keeping up with the internet needs. Technology is so wonderful but can be so interfering if we let it (my son is playing the Mario Cart on the wii as I am typing this!) I was making rolls the long way the other day while my husband and kids were playing Mouse Trap in the living room beside me and I had a moment of "my cup runneth over" simply because it was simple life and we need to reach for it and recognize it whenever we can.


Amber mother of 2 (3 if you count my husband-which i do)

Pearl #1

One thing I have discovered as I've aged, (now 56), is that time really does heal all wounds. That's a comforting thing to know when you are hurting from betrayal of a family member or best friend, or even a child. When you are going through a painful experience, and especially when you are young, you think that no one could possibly realize how bad it really is. And it may be bad for a very long time. But I have discovered that time does heal the hurts.




When I try to look back on the hard times of raising kids, the tears and the worry, it has all kind of melted away. I remember the good times but, the hard times are so fuzzy that they’ve pretty much disappeared. We humans are very resilient! My daughters will ask me, “well, what did you do when this or that happened" - and I sit there like a dummy. I just can't remember how I handled the situation. I can't even give advice! I know I lived through it, but the bad parts have melted away enough, that I couldn't tell you how I made it better. I think time just made it better. Sometimes forgiveness takes a very long time too. But I know if I hold onto pain, it just multiplies and rules my life.



I guess I just want to spread a little hope, to all the young mothers out there (and anyone else reading), so here’s my “Pearl of Wisdom”:

People will disappoint you, let you down and maybe even betray you. The secret is in how you handle it. Just remember that time is on your side, and the hurt will go away eventually. It's really too big a burden to carry forever.



Lindy, mother of 2, grandmother of 4

Dish Up The Goods, Ladies!

I really, really, REALLY (can’t emphasize the really enough here people) want you to email me your stories! I’ve gotten some wonderful comments (which I am so grateful for seeing as how I fully expected no one to reply at all! … my mom excluded – thanks mom for the support!) … but what we truly need to get this project up and running is to hear from you!!! Seriously, my life is not that interesting – I can’t keep this going by myself. As mothers and homemakers, crazy things happen to us every day. I beg you – implore you – to just take a moment tonight to think about something your child said or did, something your family experienced, something that challenged you, something that fomented personal growth – I don’t know – something you found unexpectedly while cleaning the bathroom (anything!!!) and think about how it either taught you a lesson or how it may have reaffirmed the values and ideals you already hold dear. Then, I want you to write! I am commanding you now – write it down. Do not worry about grammar. I am not your 10th grade English teacher. And no one, especially another mother reading this site, would pass judgment on any mother’s writing skills when they know fully well that the story they are reading was probably composed as the author hid in her closet pecking away at a keyboard in the dark, clandestinely inhaling contraband Dr. Pepper and Nestles Toll House chocolate chips, while in the background sounds of “Where is mommy? I’m going to tell that you’re putting dog food in the potty!” are tormenting her mind.


Enough said, ladies – NOW WRITE!

Oh – and don’t forget to include your first name, mother of # and “pearl of domestic wisdom for society” at the end!

Email to: pearlsofdomesticwisdom@yahoo.com or rachelbanash@yahoo.com

Mothers Know Best

I am a mom. I’ve been other things, too, but I can’t really remember them clearly right now. Children have a way of doing that to your memory. Any mother can attest to this. Guiding kids through the pitfalls of life is not just mind boggling, it can be mind scrambling. Raising a family today is like putting out fires on a rollercoaster in the dark. Problems, little and big, come at you so fast, so unexpectedly that it’s all we can do aim and blast the extinguisher before we are thrown off balance by the next curve in the tracks, the next loop d loop of life. And, thank goodness we’re in the dark, too, because, seriously, does any mother want to see what’s up ahead?


Yep, I am a mom. Not a super mom. Not a crappy mom. I’m just an average sort of mom: the kind that tries to sneak wheat germ into her family’s cupcakes, the kind that carries enough germicide in the car to sterilize a small country, the kind that loves her family with every fiber of her being, the kind that prays every night that her children will be blessed with safety and health and that God will help her be a better woman for their sakes. But… I’m also the kind of mom that occasionally forgets to pick up her kid from school on early release days (why, why, WHY, people, can you not let my kid out at the same time every day?), the kind that told her daughter the other day that eight times eight is sixteen (seriously), the kind that inadvertently taught her two year old the word damnit when she stepped on a lego warrior barefoot and the kind who’s kids say ‘mom could you really fix it this time and not just use the hot glue gun again?’ - Like I said, just an average mom.

Not too long ago, after a very full day of terrible twos, dramatic sevens and a husband tied up all night in meetings, I fell into bed makeup on (thank you raw minerals for not plugging my pores on those washless nights), teeth not brushed, in the same yoga pants I’d had on for the last three days (detest yoga, love the pants) and, surprisingly, had what I thought was a slightly deep revelation. Here it is – you ready? Drum roll, please… our homes are miniature versions of the larger socio-economic and political world around us. … Um, yeah, o.k., I didn’t say it was an exciting revelation – and come to think of it, maybe it’s not so deep – but bare with me here. You see, in the microcosm that is my 1000 square foot house, many of the problems and worries which plague our society are acted out on a daily basis (drug use and pornography excluded - unless you count the fact that I can fabricate P.M.S. in order to justify taking Midol pretty much any day of the month and there were those slightly delicious dreams I had after watching “The Proposal” because is that guy kind of hot or what?). In our home we have fights stemming from feelings of anger, jealousy and misinformation, occasionally someone feels taken for granted or ignored, there are naughty acts committed with the hopes of gaining attention or proving a point, there is sneakiness, white lies and not so white lies, rules are established and broken, limits and boundaries are routinely tested and the state of personal finance is always a source of great consideration. And who, I ask you, takes on these problems like a champion cutting horse going after an ornery steer? Me. An average mom.

This random little thought kind of got me philosophizing (well, as much as person who is also simultaneously trying to figure out how to make miniature turkeys out of lunch meat, cheese sticks, pimentos and toothpicks for her kid’s thanksgiving party can philosophize). I mean, really, I don’t know the first thing about politics or international diplomacy. I couldn’t tell our government how to get our finances out of the red or keep our borders safe. I couldn’t win the war on drugs or create new jobs. I really have no background, no sort of education that would allow me to state that my thoughts on the state of our society should be listened to – that they should be taken seriously. And, yet, I can’t help thinking that there are a lot of moms out there, like me, whose skills at negotiating, leadership and budget balancing are refined on a daily basis. And not just refined, but honed like a cold forged ninja sword so that we may thrust and parry with the domestic issues that accost us daily. In fact, I’m positive that there are moms out there who could really offer our nation some sound advice when it comes to addressing the challenges faced by today’s society. I mean, think about it, moms, the nation’s professional domestic army – the leading experts on raising America’s children, might have something important and worthy to say about the process of raising our country. Because, that’s what “we the people” are doing, isn’t it? Taking these United States of America, something that is relatively young, and molding it into something that we hope will make the world a better place – something that will produce, contribute, do something noble and maybe, if we’re lucky, take care of us in our old age.

This is why I have created this blog. I want to hear what other moms have to say. I want to hear their stories whether they be funny, mundane or bittersweet. And, most importantly, I want to hear what they have learned from their experiences as a mother, a homemaker (and often breadwinner, too!) and a wife.

Let me give you an example. You don’t have to agree with it. Call it my own little domestic pearl of wisdom:

About the time my first daughter turned five and a half, I gave birth to our second child. Prior to this moment, no one could have convinced me that my kindergartener was not a toddler – a wee babe being forced to do things like attend all day school; something which she was obviously entirely too young and helpless to do. Up until the day before my water broke I was still helping her put on her clothes, washing her face with a warm cloth after meals, and helping her brush her teeth with (I’m embarrassed to say it) toddler toothpaste. She was little more than an infant in my eyes, in need of my constant supervision and assistance. I did not expect her to be independent, nor did I ever encourage her to be so.

And then a tremendous moment of personal epiphany came to me like a shaft of ethereal sunlight breaking through the dark clouds of denial on the day that I first handed my daughter the seven pound bundle of baby blankets that was her new little sister: she was no longer a baby herself – and she hadn’t been for quite some time. When I saw the two of them standing there together, the contrast between newborn helplessness and 45 pounds of solid kid was too obvious to be denied. It’s humiliating to admit this – but I guess I just wanted to hold onto that “baby-ness”, that need (real or imagined) that another little human being has for its mother.

Well, needless to say, a lot changed the day we brought our youngest home. No longer did I have the time, energy or patience to help my eldest with everything. At first, I felt incredibly guilty for asking her to do things for herself. But, honestly, with nighttime feedings and, well, daytime feedings- dawn and dusk feedings, let’s just say I got over it pretty quickly.

But, here’s the crazy part – even though I worried that my kid would have a hard time taking care of herself, she didn’t. In fact, she did a great job (even better than me, in some cases). It gave her such a sense of accomplishment to make her own bed and pick out her own school clothes. And her bedroom might not have looked as tidy as I would have made it, and maybe she wasn’t wearing a matching outfit to school – but it didn’t matter… She did it! She got so excited by her ability to take matters into her own hands (and by the fact that I had confidence in her to do so), that pretty soon she was helping with even larger tasks. She’d change the baby’s diaper, set the dinner table and pick up the living room – all without being asked.

So, here’s my “pearl” for society:

Parents, teachers, religious leaders, employers and our U.S. government hold those you guide to a higher standard. Do not enable because it is easier, because it meets your own needs. But, instead expect more from the people in your charge. Believe that they are capable of achieving great things so that they may be inspired to do so.

It is my hope that mothers and grandmothers across our nation will contribute to this blog; that they will add their own little “pearl” to this project. Please e-mail me an anecdote and at the end write your own advice for society. Please also include your first name and the number of children you have. If enough stories are accumulated, I would like to see if this material is publishable. So, just know that by sharing your story here, with luck, someday you may see it in print!

Thank you moms for all you do!

-Rachel, mother of 2
pearlsofdomesticwisdom@yahoo.com